Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Let's get ethical!

The ever popular: 30 Days of Kink

Day 11

Q: What are your views on the ethics of kink?

A: Most of the time I wing it, but if there isn’t mutual pleasure within a scene or relationship, I’m not going to participate. I’ve learned over time, that it isn’t worth putting time and energy into a scene if I am not going to enjoy it. That is a rare case, but that type of negotiation begins with straight forward communication of wants, and expectations of a scene. I must admit, I am not the best at communicating what I want, but I can communicate what I don’t want. “No” is a highly effective word, and it settles things pretty quickly.

I’ve had experiences in the scene were I should have said “no,” and I didn’t. It frustrates me, but honestly; I wouldn’t know how important saying “no” is without those experiences. I believe my experiences have empowered me to recognize what is ethical for me. Cleaning up someone else’s scene is not ethical to me. Being the proverbial punching bag for someone else’s enjoyment is not ethical to me. Keeping silent when something has gone past my comfort level is not ethical to me.

On the flip side of that, I go out of my way to tell my partners that our scene was enjoyable. I let them know verbally and sometimes non verbally that the scene was enjoyable, pleasurable, and that I hope it was for them as well. The result of a negative experience tends to narrow the amount of communication I have with that person, so I make sure to communicate positive experiences, especially to the person I experience them with.

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