Friday, May 27, 2011

Fantasy VS Reality

The ever popular: 30 Days of Kink

Day 14

Q: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?

A: Fantasy and reality in relation to BDSM is the difference between daylight and twilight. Fantasy is perfection; I can be whoever I wish to be, in any period, or any setting to fulfill my sexual desires. However; in reality, play is in the present, setting is rather fixed depending on personal taste (outdoors, inside, public party), and I am as I am playing in the head space I choose.

Though it may sound mundane in comparison, real life BDSM is so deeply enriching, and exciting, that I can hardly compare it at all. Sure, I can’t be an elven princess on the outside, but I can play in that head space during role play with a partner if I choose. I explored desires and scenarios in fantasy that I wanted to experience in real life. It took me a few years to become active in the BDSM scene, but once I took the leap from fantasy to real life, I realized it is where I belong.

It all begins in fantasy. I began fantasizing about certain aspects of D/s before I ever knew the term. It took a while to become confident enough to explore real life BDSM, figure out what I really wanted, and now that I am involved in a lot of real life play, I still have fantasies that I wish to fulfill. It’s a cycle, and once a fantasy is fulfilled, I try it again, often including aspects of other fetishes I enjoy. For me, it’s about playing with my fantasies and desires to make my real life play intoxicating and satisfying.

Sunday, May 15, 2011


The ever popular: 30 Days of Kink

Day 13

Q: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?

A: I adore the aftermath. When all is said and done; when my body is seizing, throat hoarse from screaming, cheeks stained with tears, when he takes me into his arms to hold me, tell me I am beautiful, that is all I need. Whatever happened in scene is over. It may have been magical, awful, fulfilling, but being held during that sensation of vulnerability satisfies my most basic need.

My enjoyment of intense scenes creates a need for deep emotional connection during and afterward. Aftercare is the best way to remind myself, and let someone else remind me that I am “okay,” and he isn't going to abandon me in my vulnerable state.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Make 'Em Laugh!

The ever popular: 30 Days of Kink

Day 12

Inquiry: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had. If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.

Response: Some dungeons like to play ‘kink-related’ music. For the most part I don’t mind it, and in some cases I love it. Even though I hardly ever use it to enhance a scene, music can really get me in the mood to play, especially if it has a deep bass. Sometimes dungeons run out of good ideas. They have Disturbed, Depeche Mode, and usually need to add a few ‘kink-related’ tracks to the mix.

That can be fun, totally appropriate, and hilarious considering the context. Such as my latest dungeon rendezvous. My partner and I were winding down from a scene. He had started untying my wrists and ankles from the spanking bench, and I was spaced out in subbie-goo land. Laying there as the track turned, P!nk’s “Raise Your Glass” started playing, and I started laughing. In my head, I thought, “seriously?” I couldn’t contain myself. He noticed the song, or my laughter, or both, and started laughing as well. Now, whenever I hear that song, I smile, and think of his bites.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011


I trust him in a way that is so natural, unlike anything I have ever experienced before. We have been dating for a couple of weeks now and the anticipation is killing me. He has been teasing me all night, cupping my ass as we dance, nuzzling, whispering sweetly into my ear. My panties are already soaked and we haven’t even left the club. He got a room at the hotel for the evening where we could explore each other without the hindrance of the outside world. It would become a shelter in which our fantasies would become reality.

We have been talking about our fantasies for weeks, enough to drive me insane with wild thoughts of my hands bound, helpless, completely at his mercy. He wanted to drive me crazy. He wanted me to need him so much that I can’t stand it. The control he has over my body is baffling. I wanted to drag him out of this chaotic club and into the warm seclusion of our secret chamber.

He took my hand and smiled softly. I wish I knew what went on inside that sadistic mind of his. Slowly, he walked me out the double doors of the club and along the hallway to the metallic elevator doors. He glanced back and forth, so subtly I didn’t even notice until he pushed me up against the wall suddenly. Bewildered, I frantically looked to see if anyone had been watching. He was only looking at me, to see the fear and excitement in my eyes. He held my chin steadily in his large beautiful hand, forcing me to look up into his face. Not a word could express what he expected of me. I closed my eyes and in a fraction of a moment his lips were on mine. My thighs spread and he enveloped my body, extinguishing the space between us. I could feel his chest against mine, his pulsing cock under his jeans rubbing against my wet panties.

I heard the ding of the elevators arrival. We broke briefly, my heart pounding, eyes glazed. Not a soul spewed from the elevator. I felt as if we were the only people left on earth. Again he took me by the wrist and guided me into the elevator, pushed the button for the fourth floor, and leaned casually against the wall. I lunged at him again, wanting more sweet kisses from his soft lips. He simply said “no” in a calm manner. I pouted but complied. Standing there beside him, an eternity seemed to pass as the elevator climbed upward. He put his hand on the small of my back, softly caressing, watching me the entire time but my eyes were on the doors. They opened and I waited for him to initiate my next move. He pushed gently at my back, beckoning me to walk forward and out into the hall. We walked side my side, his hand traveling up my back toward my neck, holding me gently, his fingers gliding into my hair.

At the door to our room I waited as he unlocked the door and brought me inside. I surveyed the room as he turned the lock of the door. It made an audible click as it locked into place. Gold covered the room. It specked the duvet on the enormous king sized bed, the furniture accented with glittering golden throw pillows. Enamored by the room, I became distracted, but felt centered and whole as I felt his body against mine again. He unzipped the backing of my dress achingly slow. He kissed and caressed my shoulders, his teeth sinking in briefly, causing me to sigh and lean back against him. When he had completely unzipped the dress he circled me in his arms. His fingers clawed at the gown, now loose on my body, pushing and tugging until it fell to the floor around my stilettos.

He roamed freely now; over my almost naked body, fingering the lace of my bra, pushing against it to cup my breast, teasing the already hard nipple. His other hand rubbed at my cleft, growling warmly against my ear when he felt the wetness. “Are you ready?” he whispered. I whimpered in reply. How confident I was only an hour ago, when I thought I was in control. He makes me forget about control. It is insignificant when I am in his arms.

Let's get ethical!

The ever popular: 30 Days of Kink

Day 11

Q: What are your views on the ethics of kink?

A: Most of the time I wing it, but if there isn’t mutual pleasure within a scene or relationship, I’m not going to participate. I’ve learned over time, that it isn’t worth putting time and energy into a scene if I am not going to enjoy it. That is a rare case, but that type of negotiation begins with straight forward communication of wants, and expectations of a scene. I must admit, I am not the best at communicating what I want, but I can communicate what I don’t want. “No” is a highly effective word, and it settles things pretty quickly.

I’ve had experiences in the scene were I should have said “no,” and I didn’t. It frustrates me, but honestly; I wouldn’t know how important saying “no” is without those experiences. I believe my experiences have empowered me to recognize what is ethical for me. Cleaning up someone else’s scene is not ethical to me. Being the proverbial punching bag for someone else’s enjoyment is not ethical to me. Keeping silent when something has gone past my comfort level is not ethical to me.

On the flip side of that, I go out of my way to tell my partners that our scene was enjoyable. I let them know verbally and sometimes non verbally that the scene was enjoyable, pleasurable, and that I hope it was for them as well. The result of a negative experience tends to narrow the amount of communication I have with that person, so I make sure to communicate positive experiences, especially to the person I experience them with.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011


The ever popular: 30 Days of Kink

Day 10

Q: What are your hard limits?

A: When I first started out in the scene I had a multitude of hard limits. I had a narrow vision of what I wanted, some of which I had never experienced, and what I absolutely did not want. As I have grown in the lifestyle my limits have changed. I have attempted, and accepted supposed limits as what they are or modified them to my liking. For example: cutting, and bleeding used to be hard limits. After pondering my interest in knife play, and accepting the possibility of getting cut during play, I realized blood was no longer a limit for me. I accepted the risk of bleeding for my fetish. 

By using a negotiation checklist I could easily scale activities from 0 (limit) to 5 (Yes!!). It made negotiation easier, and the lists are so inclusive, that I was confronted with activities/fetishes/items I found unfamiliar, such as: persona training, abrasion, and pony play. By exploring the unknowns I have found other areas of play that I enjoy, and have begun to appreciate the wide range of kinks and fetishes in the community at large.

For the most part, my hard limits have remained constant. What I define as a hard limit is an activity/fetish/item that I cannot imagine myself utilizing, or find personally harmful. When it comes to feces play, I categorize it as a hard limit because of the multitude of passable diseases that could affect my life in a harmful way. I don't want to pass judgment on those who have these interests, I only know they are not my interests. I’ve compiled a list of my hard limits for the sake of convenience:
  • Asphyxiation
  • Brown showers (anything to do with scat)
  • Beastiality
  • Diapers (wetting/soiling)
  • Anal fisting
  • Forced smoking (long term)
  • Full head hoods
  • Golden showers (anything to do with urine)
  • Rimming (giving)
  • Injections
  • Prostitution (actual)
  • Body Modification (permanent)

Wednesday, May 4, 2011


The ever popular: 30 Days of Kink

Day 9

Inquiry: Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.

Response: I've chosen “Corrupt” by Depeche Mode. Click to listen to the audio file via Good Dollie, my Tumblr blog.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

What Dollie wants, Dollie gets

The ever popular: 30 Days of Kink

Day 8

Inquiry: Post a kinky image you find erotic.

Response: This is what my Tumblr blog is all about! I post photos, related to BDSM and kink, and other media that excites me. Take a peek: Good Dollie

I believe this image greatly portrays what I want in a relationship. No matter the dynamic; whether it's 24/7, just in the bedroom, weekends, etc. I want to be Master's slave, ready and willing to succumb to his desires. I crave it.