Wednesday, July 20, 2011


The ever popular: 30 Days of Kink

Day 17

Q: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?

A: BDSM is not abuse. I cannot stress that enough. It is a misconception held by many of those who do not understand it. I say: if you don’t get it, don’t like it, then don’t presume to have an opinion on it.

Odd thing about this image, I had chosen it months ago when I first started writing 30 days of kink. I never found black eyes to be particularly provocative, well not before I had one of my own, anyway. A black eye on a woman tends to be the red flag for “I’m a victim.” That is just an observation of American society, and it is a frame of mind that I gave into in the past. Especially coming from a background of abuse.

My first, and only black eye (I hope) emerged not from a fight, or abuse, but a scene. I did not intend for it to happen. It was a complete accident, and that is the truth. Yes, it was hard to ignore when I came back from the bubble of BDSM, where practically everyone knew the true story, to the haze of vanilla existence.

I felt proud, because it was epic. I felt damn lucky, because no bones were broken. I felt cautious, because I knew some if not most of the people who saw it would be thinking that I am abused. The last straw came from a stranger on Fetlife, where most of us don the umbrella slogan of “your kink is not my kink,” and move on with our lives. However, this stranger thought they would create a scene, within a scene, by announcing that the photo I had posted of my glaring statement of awesome to be abuse.

Accidents happen everywhere. In our world, precautions are taken to create a safe space for what we do, and sometimes precautions fall short. It does not mean that the scene, activity, or persons involved were unsafe. We live in an imperfect world, full of blunt objects. At some point, you’re bound to walk into one.

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