Monday, July 18, 2011

A degree of difficulty

The ever popular: 30 Days of Kink 

Day 16

Q: What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?

A: I believe the hardest part is that I am interested in so many different aspects of the lifestyle that no one person can fulfill all of my needs. For the longest time, within the first year or so of my exploration, I lusted for the Top/Dom/Master who would fulfill all of my needs, and in turn I would serve him with pride and love.

Unfortunately, my interests vary so much that not one person can do it all. I like bondage, impact play, age play, etc., etc. For example: I met someone who was into spanking. He devoted himself to it almost completely, and had difficulty playing outside of that specific activity. So then what can I do when I want indulge in needle play? Sure, I can pool resources from the community to do it on the off time, and that is something I have done in the past, but what if my partner isn’t comfortable with that?

These are questions that plagued me. I felt guilty that I wanted to play with more than one person, to explore what I like with different personalities, and in different dynamics. It took four years until I became comfortable with non-monogamy. I’ve become comfortable with seeking out multiple play partners and often doing the same activity in different ways, or taking it a step further in intensity.

In general, individuals are pretty open to playing with other people, outside of a lasting relationship to educate, or just have fun. That isn’t an issue. However, the problem I have found is, how do I take that from an often casual play partner dynamic to a relationship, and still communicate my needs to play outside of the relationship? It’s something I have yet to be confronted by. It may be obvious by the amount of rhetorical questions in this response, that I am still not so sure myself.

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